Choose your side
by grugster
Summary: After his father was arrested Draco ran away, got drunk and tried to kill himself. Moody found him and tried to speak sense into him.


_Thanks a lot to my beta-reader, Duchess_Of_Arcadia, for correcting my mistakes._

_Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story._

_I'm not a native speaker of English!_

**WARNING:** This story contains **corporal punishment**!!!

_**Dear readers,**_

_this is not what I normally write. It's a gift for mad-eye-amarad, who drew all the wonderful drawings to my stories. (you can find the links on my profile page) She wished for a story in which Alastor spanks Draco. That's what I came up with. If corpural punishment isn't your thing than don't read it. It's not the main topic of this story, but still is prominant. _

_Corporal punishment isn't something I support in real life so remember this is a story **not reality**.  
_

_Sunny_

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Choose you****r**** side**

_I hate Potter. I hate Dumbledore. God damn, I hate the whole fucking school. Why __does__ Mother have to insist that I stay there? They are responsible for fathers' arrest_, Draco thought hatefully while draining the rest of his butterbeer. He was lying half on the bar. His head was spinning and felt as if it was weighing a thousand pounds. _My father will die in Azkaban, and I'm alone_. Tears were running down his cheeks and he lifted the jar again to his lips. It was empty. Draco lazily lifted his head to see where the barman was. _Where is this damn freak who looks like Dumbledore? _When he scried him at the end of the bar, Draco waved his hand. He almost lost his balance from it. _Damn, how much did I already drink?_ He couldn't remember. All he knew was that he didn't want to go back to the castle and that he felt alone and scared without his father.

"I think you have had enough boy. Just because I don't like my brother doesn't mean I let his students get alcohol poisoning," Aberforth said sternly to the boy.

Draco looked angrily at the old man. "You have no right to tell me what I can and can't do." It came out in a drunken slurred voice.

"Maybe, but I can call someone who has," Aberforth said dismissively.

"Don't you dare old man. I'm leaving," Draco said and made his way to the bathroom. He had the feeling he needed some fresh water on his face. _If fresh water is even possible in this gin mill. But at least cold it will be, _Draco thought bitterly.

His reflection was horrible. Black circles were under his eyes and his face was gaunt. It was only five days ago that his father had been caught and brought to Azkaban. Draco hadn't slept since then. He had pleaded with his mother to leave the school, but she had insisted on him staying. She was scared about the Dark Lord and what he would do to him. Draco was also scared about it. He wished he could run away, very far away. Away form the insanity of the Dark Lord, away from Potter and his little followers who destroyed his family, and away from all those who looked at him with disgust because of his name and what his father had done. The only reason he was still here was his mother. He couldn't leave her alone. Tears were running freely down his cheeks now. _I can't stand all this. I hate__be__ing__ so weak._ Out of frustration he lunged at his reflection. The mirror shattered into small pieces, and Draco stared fascinated by his bleeding hand. He felt no pain. While his blood was slowly dropping into the sink full of shreds from the mirror, Draco became more and more depressed. He couldn't remember when he had picked up one of the shreds and only when the blood was flowing rapidly out of the wound on his wrist did he realize what he had done. He didn't care. Death was something that could take away all the pain he had felt lately. He watched his blood forming a puddle on the floor on which he was sitting. It was almost relief that he felt. It would end soon. Only the image of his mother that was building in his mind made him feel guilty. No, he couldn't leave her alone. With a jolt, the pain was there, and he tried frantically to stop the bleeding.

"Damn," the voice of the barman penetrated Draco's ear.

Seconds later a deep voice was joining it. "Are you daft, boy?" Alastor Moody, who had taken over the job as the DADA teacher again, came over to Draco. "What do you think you are doing?"

Draco felt disgusted about his feelings now. He was relieved to see his teacher and that he wasn't alone any longer. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"We will speak about this after Poppy has fixed you up, boy. Then we will _talk_ be sure of that," Alastor spat angrily.

Draco had the feeling that talking didn't really mean talk in his professor's mind. In that moment he couldn't think about it. He didn't protest when Professor Moody lifted him up in his arms and carried him out of the bathroom. The world went blurry and he blacked out.

__________

"Professor Moody will come and get you after you've finished your breakfast, Mr. Malfoy," Madam Pomfrey said after she had nursed Draco back to health the last three days. "You still have tor rest, and I want you here for a checkup tomorrow afternoon. I hope the talk with your mother has made you realize your mistake." She looked worriedly at him.

Draco had problems arranging his face in his custom sneer, but he managed it. He would not run away from Professor Moody. His father had taught him to pay a debt and accept your punishment. He had a life debt to pay to the professor and that meant he had to accept whatever he had in store for him. He would listen to what Professor Moody would tell him, but that didn't mean he had to like him._ He is still one of them. It doesn't matter that he rescued my life. I don't even know why he cared. _

Seeing that she didn't get an answer from the stubborn boy she left him alone so that he could eat his breakfast.

_________

"Move your lazy ass, boy. We have to straighten up some things," Moody spat while glaring at the frightened boy. Draco may be an arrogant brat, but he couldn't hide his fear. Moody wished he could have Lucius Malfoy under his mercy instead of this poor boy Lucius had moulded him into. It was Lucius' education that made Draco the arrogant, angry boy he is right now.

Draco shuffled uncertainly out of his bed. He already had dressed into his school robes and only had to slip on his shoes. "Yes, sir."

_At least the boy__ shows__ some respect for me. That's a start. We will see how long it will last,_ Alastor thought grimly. When the boy looked uncertainly at him and tried to gain his arrogant facade again, Alastor grabbed him roughly by the arm and dragged him out of the room.

When Draco was dragged into Moody's office he stiffened. Of course he knew that they would end here, but the instinct to run kicked in. He stopped, which caused the professor, who still was holding his arm, to stop as well. "You could leave my punishment to Professor Snape, sir," Draco tried to argue with Moody.

"Ha, he would only pamper you, boy. I don't think so, now come. You will tell me what caused this stupid act of yours."

_He wanted to speak about it?_ Oh, no, no way would he speak with one of_ them_ about his father. "You can punish me, but I won't speak with you about my father." He started to struggle against the hand that was holding him in a death grip.

"Oh, you will, boy. Just punishing you wouldn't help you," Alastor said and dragged Draco over to the chair in front of his desk.

"Help me? I don't need your help," Draco screamed. That wasn't what he had awaited. He thought the Professor would give him detention or even spank him, but not that he wanted to _speak_ with him. Life Debt or not he is still one of the enemies. _No matter how__ much__Mother wants it, __I__ will not consort with them._ He struggled like hell when the Professor wanted to place him on the chair. The shock was big when the professor turned him and swatted him hard two times to get his attention.

"That was just a taste of what will follow if you still insist on behaving like this, and don't even try to put up this arrogant facade your father taught you." Alastor glared at him.

Draco was shocked by the swats and was looking with big eyes at his professor. Hearing what the Professor said about his father made him angry again. "Don't speak about my father like this. He—"

He didn't get any further because Professor Moody had sat down on the chair and pulled Draco over his lap.

"Your father (SWAT) is an arrogant, (SWAT) cruel-hearted bastard (SWAT). You (SWAT) are your own person (SWAT)and should think for yourself! (SWAT)" Alastor made sure he put the right amount of force behind his smacks to not make it torturous for the boy, but still would sting.

Draco cried out when Alastor spanked him. He never was good at accepting pain. He tried to stand up, but Alastor pushed him down with his hand on Draco's back. The last thing Draco could try before pleading was putting his hands on his bottom. It was so embarrassing to lie over the Professor's lap. He felt very vulnerable, and he didn't want to speak about his father or his feelings.

"Take you hand away, boy, or I will worsen your punishment," Alastor ordered while already moving Draco's hand away from his bottom and tucked it under it.

"No, please, Professor," Draco pleaded and was disgusted by himself for already sniffling like a small child. His father also had spanked him sometimes, and he never took it like a man. He hated himself for being so weak. _What will the Dark Lord do with me? He will laugh about my weakness and then kill me_.

"Then speak and tell me why you got drunk and tried to kill yourself," Alastor ordered.

Draco shook his head desperately. "I can't, please."

Alastor let his hand fall down on Draco's bottom with force. "You can and you will, boy, or I will start spanking you again. Start now!" Another swat was adjusted to convince Draco to speak.

"Ow," Draco whined. "I... I was angry with Potter and Dumbledore."

"Professor Dumbledore," Alastor corrected him, but didn't swat him for it. He wanted the boy to speak and realize his mistake, not change his behaviour by hurting him.

"They are responsible for my father's arrest," Draco sobbed and was glad that the professor had stopped the spanking.

"Your father has chosen to be a Death Eater, and he knew what it meant. It was his decision, and so he has to live with the consequences. Each man has to do it, and you, boy, will become a man very soon now that your father isn't around any longer. You have to learn to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. The Dark Lord won't be lenient with you. You should think about your decision very carefully."

"It's my life. I can decide about it," Draco said angrily. He immediately flinched when he finished speaking because he feared he would get another round of swats.

Alastor laid his hand on his other hand on Draco's back to show the boy that he wouldn't punish him for showing his opinions and feelings. "As long as it isn't taking your life I don't care what way you choose as long as it is the way you really want to go and not what you think your father wants you to do. Become the man your mother wants you to become, Draco."

Draco, gasped at hearing the Professor call him by his given name.

"Choose your way carefully and then accept the consequences. Become a Death Eater and fight against us if this is your belief. Choose to fight on our side and go against the way your father chose for you if you think that's the way to live. What ever you choose it is okay with me, as long as you listen to your heart Just never again try to kill yourself. That's cowardly and would break the heart of your mother. I'm sure she can live with each of the two possibilities I told you before, but it would kill her to lose you. She is a good woman, and I respect her. She chose to live by the side of a Death Eater, but that did not make me respect her less. Love is a great power and sometimes it leads us on the wrong path."

Draco had laid his forehead against Moody's leg while hearing his lecture. The awkward position was embarrassing, but Draco was glad he didn't have to look in the face of his professor. The words stung. He never knew if he really wanted to become a Death Eater. He wanted to make his father proud, but he never was a person who enjoyed torture. Power, yes. He liked to be the leader of his cronies Crabbe and Goyle, but following the Dark Lord would be something totally different. But wouldn't he be a coward to not become a Death Eater? He could not run away from it. "I have no choice," he whispered loud enough for Moody to hear it.

"You always have a choice, boy. We could protect you and your mother, but only if you really want it. It will always be your decision. Nobody can make it for you other than yourself," Alastor said thoughtfully. He was glad the boy had stopped struggling and was listening. "Ready to sit up and speak calmly and respectful with me?"

Draco really thought about just staying where he was. At least he did not have to look in the face of the Professor and the Professor wouldn't see his tear-strained face.

"Not so eager to talk face to face with me, boy?" Alastor said with a chuckle and sat Draco down on the chair. A grin spread over his face when the boy winced when his bottom came in contact with the hard surface of the chair. He hadn't smacked Draco a lot, but at least he had done it hard enough to make him remember it for a day. Alastor drew his more comfortable chair in front of Draco.

Draco lowered his face.

"No, look at me." Alastor lifted Draco's chin. "I don't want you to decide now, I just wanted to show you that you _have_ to think about it. This summer you will have to choose, if you want to or not. Don't listen to your little friends or the Headmaster and especially not to the Dark Lord. Make your own decision, Draco. Do you think you can do this without running away or killing yourself?" Alastor looked thoughtful at the boy in front of him.

"Yes, sir," Draco said and looked straight into Alastor's eyes.

"Good, now as for your punishment for leaving school without permission and getting drunk. You will spend each Saturday afternoon from four to seven for the rest of this school year in my classroom for detention. If you decide to choose the Light, you can come to me and we can discuss how to go on. If you decide for the Dark, I wish you good luck, but when we meet on the battle field we are enemies. I lift the life debt from you, Mr. Malfoy. You can leave now." Alastor stood up and moved his chair back behind his desk.

Draco was stunned. The professor had taken the Life Debt off him and hadn't used it against him. He had shown him that there is another way to choose than the dark one, but hadn't valued it. He even wished him good luck if he decided for the Dark and he meant it. That was something really new for Draco. He had a lot to think about. When he was at the door, he turned again. He watched the Professor, who was leaning over some papers on his desk now. "I promise to think about it, sir." He paused. "And thank you, Professor, for everything!"

"Choose wisely, Mr. Malfoy," Alastor said, looking up from his work and at the boy.

"I will, sir." With that he left the office.

Alastor looked at the closed door for some while._ I hope he will decide what his heart is saying __to__ him._

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